Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Fields Forever

Thanksgiving! Grief, this year is quickly coming to a close, isn't it? 

There were some parts that dragged on. There were some parts that went far too fast. Now things are somewhere in the middle and I see my birthday looming on the horizon. Nineteen, you know. My last 'teen' year and I've still yet to take advantage of that whole excuse of, "Oh, she's just a kid. They rebel, ya?" Sometimes I wonder if I should've been a complete idiot and sneaked out of the house, ran off with some friends, and... What do naughty, rebelling teenagers do? (Other than... illegal things. I do not wish I'd gone to jail, thank you.)

The present always seems to be full of query for both the past and the future. We're never satisfied with what's right in front of us. We have to look back and consider each step we've taken, then we have to work out each scenario in our minds and try to tell where we're going to end up. It can be hard to look at where our two feet are in this exact moment. Are we sitting in sludge, not moving at all, or are we slipping on the wind? Like I said, things are somewhere in the middle for me now. I'm savoring each minute I spend, indulging in my thoughts and letting my mind go. I smile freely, not caring who sees or how the world might react.

I have an urge to read something. I've even resorted to reading Harry Potter fanfiction to keep this urge satisfied. (I didn't even read the original books!) I've got Charles de Lint just waiting to be gobbled up but it's hard to find the time or place to really dig in, ya? I will, though. Give it time. Thanksgiving week is a bit busy for these things, mm?

Sigh. What am I thankful for? So many things, to be honest. As always, I'm thankful for the fact that I'm still alive, that I've made it this far. I'm thankful for the luxuries of this life, for the friends who have made up my family, for the knowledge I've gained. It's daunting to reflect on what I've got ahead, on how this semester has twisted and turned in on itself. I'm thankful for the fact that I can look at it and not freak out, not break down. I can just... smile. And nod. And know that I'll be able to handle it, some way or another. 

People like to say that I'm strong, but you know? I'm only as strong as they've made me. Each step of the way, I've had something to look to, somewhere to aim, and every so often, there'd be someone there holding onto my arm, keeping me up. I'm walking with confidence in my stride now, despite the dank shadows that are all wrapped up around the curve ahead. 

Thank you. Everyone. Thank you, World.

Question of the Day:
(Wait for it! Wai~t for it...)
What are YOU thankful for? Seriously! Think about it. What makes you smile, makes your heart warm?
(Could'a seen that one a mile away.)

Monday, November 21, 2011

I Need

Can I... Can I just. Scream? 

Not a bad scream, particularly, no. In fact, a majority of the scream would be accompanied with happy, wild flailing, and blushing, and babbling. I am so. So. Happy. Right now. There are a lot of things that have gone wrong, but just as much has gone right and I dare not fight it. I've been smiling so much more as of late. I've been so much... lighter. And freer. Rather than muted and smothered. 

This really is such a grand feeling.

Question of the Day:
Wait, what? You guys are still here, waiting to read this? Sorry I haven't been updating! ;u;