Sunday, June 5, 2011

Who I Am

It was horrifying, to be honest.

I knew that my fanfare was going to be minimal, if heard at all over the others. And of course, my cap wanted to leap from my head and run away every chance it had. And I looked pregnant under all of that fabric. And the guy probably butchered my middle name, not that I could hear him over the pounding of my heart. And I had no idea where I was supposed to walk so I floundered for a bit. And it was hot. But. Well. I’m glad it’s done.

Friday night, if you somehow haven’t learned this already (i.e. Brittany’s Facebook wall), I graduated high school.

I’m done. Finally~! It feels… Fantastic. I can’t think of any other word to really describe it. The night ended with a lot of stress and yummy temptations of nausea, but it really was great. No party afterwards, just a lot of sentiment and affection from people that I hadn’t even realized cared quite as much as they did. Mrs. Cutting, Mrs. Cannariato, Mrs. Elliot, and the rest of the wonderful staff that cheered me on even when I was being snippy because of my transcripts and so on, they were there down to those last few moments to give me a hug when I felt like I’d faint. My few but cherished friends and could-have-been friends made me feel like I’ll really be missed here in this bastard child of Mexico…

(Truth of the matter, I’m sure they’ll move on just fine… Ha!)

Still. There was one that really… hit me, though. I mean, people--whose names I will not share, because I’m pretty sure they’d gut me--were practically sobbing for me. And that meant a lot, too. This kid… Okay. No. Kevin Chappa. He was in my English class the whole year and we barely shared more than twenty words. Yet, just a bit before we went up into the bleachers to further cement our oncoming heat stroke, he walked over. Gave me a hug.

“I’m going to miss you,” he said to that effect, “The whole year, I’ve really kind of admired you for your personality and how sweet you are.” I’m sure that he sounded more eloquent and heartfelt than my memory allows (or maybe it was simpler and shorter than that), but you’ve got to realize: there were about 300 kids swarming around us in that tiny little airway. It was loud and busy. And yeah, that’s a… small thing to say, I guess. I’m sure he didn’t expect it to leave a very large impact on me--but it did.

I’m so used to being invisible, even when I’m noticed. People think I’m weird and loud, or quiet and anti-social. They don’t see that happy middle ground where I’m content and considerate. Maybe I’m reading a little too far into it, but that just… It made me really happy. And I plan on finding the cutie on Facebook too, dammit. We will keep in touch~!

My high school career ended on a fine note, punctuated by tears (of others ;P), strong words, lingering hugs…

And you know? You don’t think about this stuff until people say it outright. And it… awes you. I’m so shocked. I can barely put into proper diction what it’s like. To have the people that you love watch you, even from states away, as you walk along the procession of handshakes and dutiful compliments. To have the people that you care for and look up to, tell you that they feel inspired by you…

I… don’t know how to express myself right now.

And Jacob! Augh. I love him. He dropped me off at my place at 12 a.m. Practically clung to me. “I don’t want to let go right now.” And. All I could do was apologize and thank him for putting up with the bullshit that is having moi for a friend.

… Sigh.

So, today, now that all of the embers have kissed the night, I am sitting in my uncle’s shop in my hobo-wear and waiting to get a tattoo. (At least I got one part of being a teenager right, huh? =D) Or rather, waiting to go eat lunch with people I don’t like (Hello adulthood!), then to go get my tattoo, then to go out to eat dinner~ with people I typically like, annnd~ to finalize my Tex-Mex adventures. I won’t be on the computer much for the next week, prepping my leave and what not, but, expect great things in time, guys.

Oh, and, the speeches t graduation? Awesome. You guys know how to quote people. -u- Well, so do I.

Yet here, Laertes! Aboard, aboard for shame!
The wind sits in the shoulder of your sail,
And you are stay'd for.
There ... my blessing with thee!
And these few precepts in thy memory
Look thou character. Give thy thoughts no tongue,
Nor any unproportion'd thought his act.
Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.
Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new-hatch'd, unfledg’d comrade. Beware
Of entrance to a quarrel but, being in,
Bear't that th' opposed may beware of thee.
Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice;
Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgement.
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
But not express'd in fancy; rich, not gaudy;
For the apparel oft proclaims the man;
And they in France of the best rank and station
Are of a most select and generous chief in that.
Neither a borrower, nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell; my blessing season this in thee!

Question of the Day:
What are some things that have inspired you or impacted you profoundly throughout life?