Dirty Wall

Wouldn't it be funny if teachers had a tool similar to ratemyprofessor.com? They could rate and put in detail about their worst and best students. They wouldn't have to do all of them, only the notable ones, you know? Can you imagine what they would say? And I wonder if they would rate their looks every once in a while too... (Is that what the chili pepper on ratemyprofessor means? I never took the time to really figure that one out.)

Sally Werther -- Biology Major -- HOT!!! --
Great student, wears low cut shirts. I was tempted to fail her to see if she'd come looking for extra credit. ;D

=w= Something like that? -goin' to Hell but you know they think it sometimes- Or maybe~...

Kennedy George -- Undefined Major -- So, so --
Complete pothead, never does his homework but does great on his tests! Hits on the girls around him. 
Pretty sure he's always inebriated in some way or another though.
 
-shrugs- Probably not. But it would still be funny. And great reference for future employers!

I wonder what my teachers would say about me, if anything at all... Probably theories that I do weird shit on my laptop all class. (Like write blogs?) I know my Art History prof is paranoid that a student will watch porn during her lectures again. (What a way to pass time, huh?) And I'm pretty sure that my Earth Science prof knows that I'm not entirely attentive whenever he's lecturing...

Anyone ever notice how the big mountain range in China kinda looks like a dragon? No? Just me? Well, alright.

~

I'm so exhausted and yet I'm more awake than I usually am. I hate my body for that. I'm constantly sick to my stomach, or my heart is racing for no reason, or I can't breathe, or I'm allergic to this or that. And that list could go on forever. It's ridiculous.

I've been told that it's stress. Look, I'm a girl, sure, but I swear I'm not always an emotional mess. In fact, I've been great. I love living with my girls and school is without too many kinks. I'm probably going to have a seasonal job soon and dammit, as much as getting free shit makes my head dance with greedy glee, I'm so glad that I don't have to worry about sitting around someone else's dinner table and pretending I fit in.

I'm a big girl. I'm an orphan. But I'm not the kind of person to dwell on things. It's sad. I understand the weight of it. I like to look on the bright side -- yet, spending all of those years, changing houses every other one, did not change the fact that it's awkward when people obviously don't know how to act around you, how to feel about you, how to think of you.

Do you know how many times I've gotten a makeup kit or a bundle of cutesy socks simply because I'm a girl and those things are -easy- to purchase, assuming that I would like them? Dear Gods, I hate makeup and cutesy socks. I'd rather be ball-gagged than get another package of that crap. =w=

For my seventeenth birthday, I ate a week-early cupcake and sat in a car for four hours. It was the very end of one of the hardest chapters of my life -- and yet that was one of my most favorable birthdays. Because I wasn't the only one that was out of place. And instead of people assuming that I was an unstable mess? -Everyone- was an unstable mess.

Sigh.

Back to my original whining: I hate that I'm always sick. On a more amusing note, however, the girls and I like to joke that if I end up with a guy? He'll probably mistake my all-the-time ick for morning sickness and get a baby scare. Fun, fun, right~?

"Uh, honey... o_o; Are you alright?"
"I'm sorry, I've been like this for a while... I'll be out in a bit."
"O______O;;; Shit,shit,shit,shit,shit..."

I really hope the D2 fans enjoy the Panty and Stocking review. 

Or at least that the trolls will be good.



Question of the Day: What's one project that you've worked on for so long that you practically hate it now? (Whether it be done and gone already or not.)

Letter IV -- Silent and Resigned

Dear Blank,

Ever since I was little, I've had these little beds, ya? Twin-size. There was a brief time where I had a king-sized bed, but that was when I was staying in the guest room of my Aunt's place. Eh. Either way, the full mattress that I have now is just so... uncomfortable. I'm a tiny person. It's disconcerting to have enough space for three more people in bed with me and only having a couple of stuffed animals instead. It's not even enough stuffed animals. Pillows would even work. But...

I don't know. It makes me feel lonely. I ask Alanna to sit in bed with me before i sleep sometimes just to fill in that little gap. But then she goes and it's still there. Why can't I just fall asleep while she's there instead of lay up, waiting? And even if I did fall asleep, I know that I'd wake when she moved. There's just no relief to it. Honestly, I shouldn't be worrying about it. In reality, I should be just fine and dandy with knowing that I'm sleeping somewhere safe for the night.

It's not enough. 

I want someone to rest their hand on the small of my back, someone to hold my hip and pull me close. Someone who will somehow manage to keep on holding onto me, touching me, even if they can't get comfortable unless they're facing away. I want someone to trace my eyebrow and smile when I make a funny face at them for it. I want someone to keep me warm, despite my insistence on keeping the room freezing at night. I want someone who won't mind humming to me, or rocking me when my eyes just won't keep shut. I want someone to listen to my rambling when my brain needs to be emptied in order to properly shut down for the night. I want someone who will drag me back under the covers when I'm trying to get ready for class or work. I want to know they won't be gone in the morning. I want someone to grin a breath away from my face and make me feel overwhelmingly compelled to kiss their mouth. To giggle into their neck. To hold them back. And not hesitate, not feel ashamed for it. And if I am nervous, let it be the kind of anxiety that melts your heart, that makes you feel like roses are blooming in your veins.

I just want someone to fill that empty space on the other half of the bed. 

Fondly Yours~,

Shannon

Question of the Day: How often do you catch yourself wishing for something "silly"?

Feels Like Paradise

No, actually, it doesn't feel like paradise...

But I'm happy, nonetheless. Still only have 4$ in my bank account. I'll be waiting on my money for another couple of weeks or so. In the meantime, I'm relying on my roommates to help me out, which, thankfully, don't seem to mind. I've got a few different things that I've got to get done by Friday/Saturday. Homework, costumes. And then there's this: http://wildfireapp.com/website/6/contests/144806?order=recency&view_entries=1

I don't know if all of you can actually access that page without a student log in but basically, it's a contest where you make a video. You say your goals, your plans, why you chose Valencia (my current college), etc, etc. Then, if you happen to win, you get the rest of your Associates degree paid for. How effing amazing would that be? I have to pay out of state fees at the moment, so I'm paying about three times as much as an in state student would. 

I repeat. How effing amazing would that be? 

I figure, hell. Why not. I have a 100$ mic, a 200$ camera, good friends and a good story. It's not like I'm going up against a crew of top movie directors or something with 500$+ equipment. ...right? I did see a large group of students in the cafeteria back on the day that this contest first started... and they had 500$+ equipment... WELL. Fuck it. I'm still going to try. What could it hurt. There are 5 winners in the end and if winning means only having to pay for rent and books for a good year and half, I think I can swing for "my best."

I was recently reminded that I do my best solo work at midnight so I'm going to see if I can't write up some new TRONTR scripts. And possibly a CC script as well for some of them. I know I said that I'd do High School is a Nightmare for CC first... Rawrrr.I'llfigureitout. =w= If any of you readers have manga that you'd like to donate to me, I'd appreciate it, ya? I really do like actually having the manga in my hands. I tend to actually read the thing faster and sooner, rather than having to drag myself in front of a computer by force.

Yaay only two more hours until my Psych class. owo 

I'm such a nerd, it's the only class that I've memorized the building number and classroom number for.

Question of the Day: What does it take to get you pumped and ready to go?

(My adrenaline/creativity/drive always comes in short bursts, so I have to go all in at that exact moment or I end up fizzling out midway.)

Hold It Against Me

 Dunno why this didn't post when I wanted it to. -shrugs- Wrote this last Friday. 3 days ago.

So, so, so very ill. Feels like I'm walking on a waterbed and a bird is picking at my grey matter.

This marks the end of week 1 in college. I've loved it so far but I'm exhausted. It might take me a bit to work out my schedule. All of my teachers keep me awake at least. So far it seems like I'm going to love their teaching styles. the only one that may give me a little bit of trouble is my composition professor. The class is at 7 a.m. on the dot. No excuses or exceptions. And he's a hard one too. The very first day of class, we were assigned reading and writing prompts. But whatever. I shall survive.

My first day in college was special. Not in that "Oh this is going to be awesome--now roll the montage!" way though. The first half? Unremarkable, aside from the insane ammount of quotes from my pyschology teacher that I wrote down in my notebook. (Love, love, love him.) But right after Fenrir left to go back to the apartment? Everything kind of went to shit. It started -pouring- rain. And then it turned out my class didn't exist. Then I was on the wrong campus. Then it was raining again. Then my teacher was teasing me. And just, you know? It sucked.

Anndd yesterday I paid my rent. And finalized some orders on textbooks. And helped my roomate out. And. I have 4$ in my bank account.

Fuck. My. Life~.

Again, I say, I shall survive. Despite all of it, I'm happy.
And praying that I land a job soon.

On a side note~. Fen was drying her hair yesterday. I caled to her, "Can I come in? Fen? Feeennn?" No response. Figuring she couldn't hear-- GAH. AH. Ohhh my. Gosh. Goodness. ;w; I'm typing this as I'm listening to my Psychology teacher lecture. And to prove a point, he held up a book by a section of its pages and let it. Dangle. Oh. Oh, my heart. -- Ahem. Ha.

Sorry.

Um.

Basically, I caught her off guard and she thought I was a black mass looming over her. She smacked her head into my face. Broke the sunglasses that I was wearing. I know I've mentioned it a couple of times already in other places but if there's any chance that I might've missed any of you... But no, seriously. Um. She felt really horrible and bought me Sashimi for lunch, so, while it was not neccesary, it helped me to "forgive" her<3.




Quote(s) of the Day:
“Freud once said that a cigar is sometimes just a cigar. But whose to decide this? Whether or not a cigar is a cigar or.
    A cigar is a. Large, uncircumcised penis? -- Well, maybe if you snip the tip and… hahaha.”
Talking about sports stars -- “I always liked him because he was small and scrappy. I can identify with that. (: “


Question of the Day:
Do you enjoy grinding in videogames or would you rather breeze through the plot? (I proudly call myself the Grinding Queen.)

Letter III -- You'll Dance

Dear Blank,

Of course, you're on my mind as well. Amidst all of the excitement, the anxiety, the curiosity, I think of you. The first time I saw my college campus, I was... disappointed. It gave me this awful sense of high school all over again. The kids were all so obviously... straight out of their parent's houses -- and going back for dinner. It just... annoyed me, I guess. I'm moving onto new things and they were just little reminders of what I was escaping. And what I had never had. But what made me pout the most was that little voice in the back of my mind saying, "Now I have to wait another two years before I have a chance of meeting you." Two years being the two years I need at Valen before I can transfer to University.

I'm such a spoiled little brat.
Kind of.

Do you know any dances? This music is making me want to move.




Question of the Day: Parlez vous francais?

Hey! Ho! Let's Go!

Alrighty, guys. It's been a damn long time, hasn't it? But I'm all moved into my new apartment, comfortably situated with my beloved housemates Alanna (Vixen) and Amanda (Fenrir)~. Things have been~ fantastic~ and to top it off, my classes are starting on Monday. Can anyone say "fck ya!"? I'm so excited. I've been feeling so lost without school weighing on my mind.

Here's the brief of my schedule but hopefully my 'free' days will turn into work days soon.

Fall 2011 Courses

-----Monday----------------------------------------------

Freshman Comp I
7-7:50 a.m.

General Psychology
11-11:50 a.m.

Earth Science
4-5:15 p.m.


-----Wednesday----------------------------------------

Freshman Comp I
7-7:50 a.m.

General Psychology
11-11:50 a.m.

Earth Science
4-5:15 p.m.

Intro to Art History I
7-9:45 p.m.


-----Friday------------------------------------------------

Freshman Comp I
7-7:50 a.m.

General Psychology
11-11:50 a.m.

Wish me luck!!

Question of the Day: What classes will you be taking this year, if any?

Who I Am

It was horrifying, to be honest.

I knew that my fanfare was going to be minimal, if heard at all over the others. And of course, my cap wanted to leap from my head and run away every chance it had. And I looked pregnant under all of that fabric. And the guy probably butchered my middle name, not that I could hear him over the pounding of my heart. And I had no idea where I was supposed to walk so I floundered for a bit. And it was hot. But. Well. I’m glad it’s done.

Friday night, if you somehow haven’t learned this already (i.e. Brittany’s Facebook wall), I graduated high school.

I’m done. Finally~! It feels… Fantastic. I can’t think of any other word to really describe it. The night ended with a lot of stress and yummy temptations of nausea, but it really was great. No party afterwards, just a lot of sentiment and affection from people that I hadn’t even realized cared quite as much as they did. Mrs. Cutting, Mrs. Cannariato, Mrs. Elliot, and the rest of the wonderful staff that cheered me on even when I was being snippy because of my transcripts and so on, they were there down to those last few moments to give me a hug when I felt like I’d faint. My few but cherished friends and could-have-been friends made me feel like I’ll really be missed here in this bastard child of Mexico…

(Truth of the matter, I’m sure they’ll move on just fine… Ha!)

Still. There was one that really… hit me, though. I mean, people--whose names I will not share, because I’m pretty sure they’d gut me--were practically sobbing for me. And that meant a lot, too. This kid… Okay. No. Kevin Chappa. He was in my English class the whole year and we barely shared more than twenty words. Yet, just a bit before we went up into the bleachers to further cement our oncoming heat stroke, he walked over. Gave me a hug.

“I’m going to miss you,” he said to that effect, “The whole year, I’ve really kind of admired you for your personality and how sweet you are.” I’m sure that he sounded more eloquent and heartfelt than my memory allows (or maybe it was simpler and shorter than that), but you’ve got to realize: there were about 300 kids swarming around us in that tiny little airway. It was loud and busy. And yeah, that’s a… small thing to say, I guess. I’m sure he didn’t expect it to leave a very large impact on me--but it did.

I’m so used to being invisible, even when I’m noticed. People think I’m weird and loud, or quiet and anti-social. They don’t see that happy middle ground where I’m content and considerate. Maybe I’m reading a little too far into it, but that just… It made me really happy. And I plan on finding the cutie on Facebook too, dammit. We will keep in touch~!

My high school career ended on a fine note, punctuated by tears (of others ;P), strong words, lingering hugs…

And you know? You don’t think about this stuff until people say it outright. And it… awes you. I’m so shocked. I can barely put into proper diction what it’s like. To have the people that you love watch you, even from states away, as you walk along the procession of handshakes and dutiful compliments. To have the people that you care for and look up to, tell you that they feel inspired by you…

I… don’t know how to express myself right now.

And Jacob! Augh. I love him. He dropped me off at my place at 12 a.m. Practically clung to me. “I don’t want to let go right now.” And. All I could do was apologize and thank him for putting up with the bullshit that is having moi for a friend.

… Sigh.

So, today, now that all of the embers have kissed the night, I am sitting in my uncle’s shop in my hobo-wear and waiting to get a tattoo. (At least I got one part of being a teenager right, huh? =D) Or rather, waiting to go eat lunch with people I don’t like (Hello adulthood!), then to go get my tattoo, then to go out to eat dinner~ with people I typically like, annnd~ to finalize my Tex-Mex adventures. I won’t be on the computer much for the next week, prepping my leave and what not, but, expect great things in time, guys.

Oh, and, the speeches t graduation? Awesome. You guys know how to quote people. -u- Well, so do I.

Yet here, Laertes! Aboard, aboard for shame!
The wind sits in the shoulder of your sail,
And you are stay'd for.
There ... my blessing with thee!
And these few precepts in thy memory
Look thou character. Give thy thoughts no tongue,
Nor any unproportion'd thought his act.
Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.
Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new-hatch'd, unfledg’d comrade. Beware
Of entrance to a quarrel but, being in,
Bear't that th' opposed may beware of thee.
Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice;
Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgement.
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
But not express'd in fancy; rich, not gaudy;
For the apparel oft proclaims the man;
And they in France of the best rank and station
Are of a most select and generous chief in that.
Neither a borrower, nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell; my blessing season this in thee!

Question of the Day:
What are some things that have inspired you or impacted you profoundly throughout life?